Improving my Discipline

My darling Sage is a real sweetheart. We spend lots and lots of time together and have so much fun. She has a heart of gold and is overall a very grateful, loving little girl. But lately, she has been testing me - a LOT!

Apparently, she has decided that it isn't fun to listen, follow directions, or even just act respectfully. In fact her new favorite behaviors include whining, going limp when I try to pick her up, and doing exactly the opposite of what I ask. I think she has begun taking things (both material things and fun activities) for granted, believing that she can act out and still get her way. I want to prepare her better for like than that and I want her to appreciate all of her many blessings so I have been struggling with what to do.

We are trying a new take (for us) on an old discipline approach. We have long used checkmarks as incentives to behave but as she has gotten bigger, I think they have lost some of their power. We decided to take them to the next level. In order for her to not expect all things, material and otherwise, that she wants without feeling and showing gratitude we have decided to make her work to earn an activity. Specifically, she has asked to play soccer for about a year and it is almost sign-up time. We are incorporating check marks and stars into the equation to decide if she will be allowed to play soccer OR if we will instead use the money to sponsor another, less fortunate child, to play soccer instead.

I feel this is a good lesson in both gratitude for her own life, and understanding/compassion that there are people less fortunate out there who cannot afford to do all of the things she is allowed to do.

So she has a system now of check marks for poor behavior and stars for good/cooperative behavior. From now until sign-ups she must earn enough stars (and few enough check marks) to qualify for soccer. She can cancel out check marks with good stars and vice versa. Additionally, stars will earn her special activities (no material prizes) such as going on a walk without the stroller, special daddy and Sage time (without mommy), special mommy and Sage time doing something we don't normally do, an extra trip to the library, or a special time to devote to an art project.

I've talked before about trying to give her everything I want to give her and still teach her gratitude. I am hoping that earning her activities will give her more gratitude and graciousness while starting to teach her the value of currency (in this case her stars).

I'll keep you posted on our progress. But I can say that today, Day 1 of her new system, she willingly cleaned up her toys in three rooms without any resistance to cancel out the two check marks she had earned earlier in the day for being disrespectful.  She did quite a happy dance when she got to cover her check marks up with the stars so it looks as if she both understands and is excited about following her new rules. As with anything, the consistency with which I handle this will determine the level of success of the outcome, so I will have to work very hard to stick to it. I guess this behavior modification program will modify my own behavior as well as hers!

Hoping we are on the right track...

Emily A. Filmore, Author
blog.withmychildseries.com
www.withmychildseries.com