Sharing memories with your child makes new memories

After playing outside today, Sage and I came in and decided to share Yoga through "It's a Beautiful Day for Yoga" to have some special bonding time. As always, we enjoyed ourselves and decided to move on and read/"perform" the "It's a Beautiful Day for a Walk" book as well.

After tromping around pretending we are monkeys and turtles and watching our imaginary clouds pass by, we ended up in the front room of our house. This is the "formal" living room with the piano and my grandma's furniture, but even more special, it is the room with the walls of Sage's life. We have covered the three walls of that room with one of those wall collages of pictures from every stage of her life including pregnancy and while I always know they are there, we don't always stop to enjoy the pictures.

Today was different, though, she wanted to look at her pictures and talk about her life! I was happy to take that walk down memory lane with her. She giggled at the picture of daddy kissing my BIG pregnant belly, we spoke of the day she was born, checked her belly button for remnants of her umbilical cord and talked about the Halloween costumes I have made for her in the past - as well as discussed our plans for this Halloween.

This impromptu moment was very special because I got the chance to remember our journey as well as share some of my fondest memories with her - and she had the chance to feel loved and special as she looked at her own history displayed on the wall.

Many hugs and kisses later, I reflected on the gift I had just been given. I am always struck by the simple moments and the bonding that takes place when she and I just allow ourselves to be!

I hope each of you will find time to remember and share your family's journey with your child.

With Love and Thanks,

Emily A. Filmore, Author
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

The With My Child Series on St. Louis Kids Magazine's website

Seeing things through my daughter's eyes

I'm a sap. I think we have this well-established by now. I proved it, yet again, tonight.

I took Sage to the Glow Parade at Six Flags for the first time. I love parades, and I love to see her experience parades. The Glow parade is really awesome. The lights on the characters make you feel like you are watching something from another world, as they dance in the dark all you see is their outline; it really is something to see. The music, much like the music at Disney, is inspiring, sweet, and emotion-grabbing (even if you don't listen to the words) because of the tone of the voice, the rising and falling of the notes and volume.  The princess (?) at the beginning looks lovely, benevolent, like every little girl's dream. When she waved and winked at my daughter I felt Sage's joy, the feeling of special-ness, her excitement at being singled out.

As character after character walked, rode, or danced by I watched the unfolding - not through my own, experienced, sceptical, 34-year-old eyes - but through my daughter's innocent, delighted, mesmerized, believing eyes. I fell in love with the enchantment and the wonder of watching the lights of not being able to discern between real and fantasy. I believed what I saw was real, and yes, I had my heart skip a beat at the villains. More than anything, though, I felt a swelling of love for my daughter and thankfulness that I had taken the time to share this beautiful moment with her. As she sat in my lap I hugged her as I held back the tears that invariably come when I feel so connected to her. Seeing things through her eyes may not change the way I see them forever, but tonight I just want to hold on to that wonder and excitement...even if for just a little while.

Here's hoping your child shows you a new view of your world!

Emily A. Filmore
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

Go to the movies - or do something else for yourself

My friend and I try to go to the movies once a week. We wait until our husbands and kids are safely tucked into bed and out the door we run! We started this about a year ago when we both noticed that we were stressed and feeling that we each had short fuses with our families. To compromise our need to get out and have "me time" with the needs of our families we decided that the late-night movies were the perfect solution.

It has worked wonders. I feel better, more refreshed, and rejuvenated even though I am up very late on those nights. We have had time to develop our friendship apart from being moms. And of course we get the chance to watch movies which is very enjoyable. I notice that I am better equipped to handle bad days because I had time alone and have a time to look forward to each week. We have both also noticed that on the weeks we don't get our movie night, we each feel more irritable, less flexible with our children and more stressed.

Late night movies may not be the answer for everyone, but what will you do today to get some enjoyable "me time?" Go to the gym? Take a walk? Get an ice cream alone? Go to lunch with a treasured friend? Have a bike ride with your spouse and no kids?

Whatever it is you choose to do for your personal re-grouping time, make time for yourself and see how much better you feel!

Good luck!
Emily A. Filmore
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

Happy Father's Day

May your children be ever at your side, their sweet voices in your ears, their tiny hands in your protective grasp, their cute faces in your sight, and their love and respect in your heart.

Dad's hold a uniquely important and special place in a child's life. When we are young our dads are the bravest superheroes, the "bestest" fixers, the fastest runners, the smartest thinkers, the funniest playmates, the strongest holders, the steadiest thing to climb, the quickest catchers (when we fall), the best listeners and love us deeper than the deepest ocean. They provide for us, nourish and protect us; we rely on them for everything and think they can do anything.

When we are teens they are the most annoying voice of reason, the one who fixes (or knows where to go to) fix everything, the one who knows everything unless it is something we think we know better, the one we call when we are scared or in trouble, the one we hide our secrets from, the one who's approval we always want but will never ask for, the one whose opinion is lame and outdated, the one to which we think we should teach the ways of the world and yet the one who loves us more than we know. We knock them off of their pedestals so we can spread our wings and try to do things more on our own.

When we are grown they are smarter than we thought, nicer than we remembered, more sentimental than we ever knew, more proud of us than we imagined, and more loving than we have ever known. They again become superheroes and confidants with endless wisdom that we want to tap so that we will know how to make better decisions as we continue to live on our own.

This is the progression, the ebb and flow of a child-father relationship. It is a connected circle of love. If we are lucky we live our lives surrounded by and protected by the loving embrace of a dad.

Happy Father's Day!

Emily A. Filmore
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

Experiencing Nature With Your Child

Along with love, there is no better gift you can give a child than appreciation for the world in which he or she lives. One great way to teach this concept is to show your child that you appreciate everything from the big (roof over your head) to the little things (the dandelion she picks for you on a walk).

As I've mentioned in a previous blog, I love to spoil my daughter...but I also try to show her the value of being grateful. We have always tried to show her the value of nature in her life as a place of restoration, exploration, learning and also of appreciation of its sheer beauty. We planned this summer's vacation to be a nature adventure with destinations of the desert, mountains, and ocean. However, when she realized we would be in Los Angeles she asked to go to Disneyland - I was tempted to adjust our plans to include Disney because I love it myself. But after re-visiting the meaning of our trip we decided to leave plans as they were and skip the amusement parks - this time. Instead we have had the chance to swim in a lake surrounded by desert and Buttes (mini mountains), hike in a desert canyon/mountain area, visit a desert museum where she touched a snake (ick!) and saw many different plants and animals native to the desert, climb through a cave replica, drive for hours watching the mountains rise and falls, witness a snow-caped mountain in the middle of a desert, see a sea of thousands windmills harnessing and converting wind into workable energy, spend a day on the beach playing in the waves and the sand, and watch a fiery, magical sunset over the mountains of Albuquerque followed by the spontaneous light show of a desert lightning storm. Every one of these experiences brought her closer to nature and as a result brought her a deeper appreciation of the world around her.

Many times on the trip she suddenly stopped what she was doing and hugged Scott or me and said, "Wow, thank you for taking me to see that (sunset, beach, mountain, cactus, etc)!"  Nature is humbling and uplifting at the same time; hmmm, just like parenting!  It is wonderful to see your child take in and love nature because you know that it will foster a life of respecting and exploring the world.

To all of your shared sunsets!

Emily A. Filmore
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

Observing the beginning of life!

Recently, my family and I had the great privilege of spending a few days with my close friend and her seven week old baby. It took me back to my early days with Sage.  It made more clear than ever before the journey I have taken as a parent and it brought me great joy to be a part of the beginning of a new life.

What an amazing time in a family's life! A baby's every need is met within moments of it's manifestation. Parental instincts kick in and subconsciously guide parents to act even when they don't really understand how they know what to do. The simple beauty of a baby is more breathtaking than the most famous piece of art. Strangers take the time to stop and marvel, to dream or remember about their own current, past or future babies. Family members search for signs of likenesses using them to form closer bonds. We like to see the best parts of ourselves and our mates in the faces, hands, feet and mannerisms of the precious child.  We caress every chubby line, trace every wrinkle, hug, kiss and shower the baby with love and affection. Holding a baby can be a time of quiet reflection, introspection, observation, and bonding. The whole of nature seems to unfold in that baby's sighs and coos. The tiny hand seems to grasp your heart and pull it in, only to return it changed, more loved, more loving, improved. The wildly kicking feet mimic what it would be like to dance and skip on a cloud.

Babies soak in the attention and thrive.  Even at such a young age, they follow your movements, gesture with hands as if to communicate their secrets, mouth their mouths in time with yours as if to mimic your speech, their eyes express the possibility of love, hope, faith and knowing. Their noises, while primal now, will eventually allow them to share their deepest thoughts and wildest dreams. They are so full of promise and beginning!

To a baby, the next meal, diaper, or nap is of the utmost importance as those things ensure survival; but parallel to those primal needs are the needs of love, touch, sounds, and gentle movement. Babies entrust their caregivers with the most precious commodity, their lives themselves. They trust completely, love perfectly, and act with integrity. Their minds know no wrong. They are innocent souls ready to be guided, taught, embraced and loved. These early moments are magical, beautiful and fleeting. The moments are monumental as even now they shape the rest of their lives. Our responsibility is large and can be overwhelming, but is made easier by the immense and intense love felt between parent and child. The time moves swiftly as snapshots are burned into our memories. Suddenly you blink and your child is 4, or 8, or 22!

What an awe-inspiring job it is to be a parent! What a great opportunity it is to be the best parent/person you can be! What an amazing gift to share the world with your child - to be the window and filter through which they experience everything - to be the one who guides them as they develop their ideas, ideals, and values.

Cherish every moment, love every minute! Find time to sit and watch your child. That is what I hope for all parents, that they can sit and look at their child (at any age) and still feel the wonder, excitement and love they held when first holding that newborn baby!

Sincerely,

Emily A. Filmore, Author
http://www.withmychildseries.com/
blog.withmychildseries.com

How to make cross country roadtrips with children fun

Road trips can be tedious for adults, just imagine how bad it can be for a child who doesn't have a good concept of time or distance. Time seems endless, bathroom urges are more urgent, and choruses of "are we there yet" are likely. That doesn't have to mean that you have to avoid seeing the country from a car you just have to be creative and plan ahead.

After putting the dog into boarding, packing our clothes, food, toys, CDs, DVDs, and books my husband, daughter and I headed out on the first leg of a cross country drive from St. Louis to Tucson. To prepare for my four year old I bought a dry erase writing board, a couple of new books, packed some color books, blank paper and crayons, some "school" books, some pillows, snacks, a doll, blanket, and DVDs. Despite the fact that we left our house at 5 am, she did not fall back asleep once we were driving. While this was a surprise to me, she held up surprisingly well through the day. She finally took a short nap late in the day but awoke ready to go all over again! We made the trip an adventure looking for new trees, hills, birds, animals. We kept a count of the hours left until she entered the desert and talked about what kinds of animals and plants we would see there. We also talked about the people and places we were going to visit, the itinerary of the whole trip (cities), the geography we were going to see (desert, ocean, mountains). We read books, worked on numbers and letters, played find the letter games (like I spy), looked for colors and talked about how things were made. On our stops we did jumping jacks, ran in place, stretched and did twists.

Now that I have written this, it sounds like it was exhausting, but it really wasn't. All three of us had a great time spending quality time together locked in the car. There were really no distractions and no way for any of us to "check out" of spending time together (other than the occasional nap). I know that this kind of trip may not be for everyone but I think road trips, long and short, can turn into moments of great family bonding.

I am so grateful that we had this opportunity. My daughter has developed a deeper appreciation for nature, learned WAY more than I could have taught her at home and has been able to begin to see the value of travelling and exploring more of her world. What's more, after being locked in a car for 17 hours in one day, I feel closer to both my husband and my daughter. I think we all learned more about each other and had some seriously fun bonding time! Don't be surprised if the With My Child series has a book called "It's a Beautiful Day for a Road Trip" sometime in the future. :-)

Best to you in your travels, both near and far!

Emily A. Filmore
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

It's a Beautiful Day for Ballet

Sage's recital was Saturday. What a fun time! It is so great to watch the progress from the beginning of the year until the end.

I try to make the days of rehearsal and recital as laid back, fun and stress-free as possible because I want her to be in a fresh, good mood when she has to perform. We make a big deal of fixing her hair, doing her "make-up," and getting dressed; these are wonderful, precious moments of togetherness that turn her recital into a special bonding event. We love ballet class and the recital is really the culmination of all of the hard work over the year; and I am not just speaking of the specific order of steps she does to the specific music of her routine. I am also talking about her spiritual, physical and emotional growth. I try to make all of our experiences instances of growth and adventure including school, ballet and gymnastics. We talk before and after class about being respectful, listening and following directions, acting lovingly towards teachers and peers and having fun! We incorporate things that happen at these classes into our discussions and work on brainstorming better ways she can handle herself when she hasn't been at her best. Ballet teaches discipline, respect for your body, respect for others, fun ways to expel energy, self-expression, love of music and exercise. These are all very important values I would like to instill in her so I find Ballet to be extremely beneficial.

So when she is on stage at the end of the year I am not just sitting in an auditorium watching my precious baby have fun while she performs a dance routine.  I see an unravelling of the year, I see glimpses of her at different classes along the way, and I see her grow in spirit as well as physical progression. I cry and I laugh in joy. I see her blossom. I feel grateful. I love Ballet!

Emily A. Filmore
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

Looking for the positives of your day

This week I had a mom (who by the way is a wonderful, caring, adventurous mom who works very hard every single day of her life!) say that she feels like she isn't always as great of a mom as she could be.  She says this, in part, because she has been reading my blog and thinks that since I am (mostly always) upbeat she must be doing something wrong because there are days she wants to tear her hair out. The last thing I want is to have someone go away from my blog feeling bad or inferior. I want this to be uplifting and inspiring....so I thought I should explain my philosophy and show how I remain upbeat.

I look at each day as an adventure. And whether the day is good or bad, I try to find a positive spin. Life is really short and I would rather be optimistic than get bogged down in what goes wrong.  Do I have terrible days when I feel I can't do anything right? YES! Do I have days when I question my sanity, parenting abilities, choices? YES!  But then I focus on the moments that went right and concentrate on letting those moments define my day. Everyone has rough days and no person, much less parent, is perfect.  But true happiness comes from overcoming the doldrums of that day and fighting your own inner demons to stay happy. I try to catch myself being the best I can be instead of looking for the things I do wrong.

How do I do this? For one thing, I look for the things for which I am thankful.  I start nearly everyday with a smile because I keep an ongoing list in my head of all of my blessings:

• My daughter is well-adjusted and healthy
• My husband is the sweetest man I know, loves us dearly and has a great job which affords us a nice lifestyle
• I am fortunate to have great friends and family whom I love and can count on
• I am grateful for the chance to be a mom
• I have had the pleasure of seeing a good portion of the world through travel
• I have the great fortune of observing great moms interact with their kids (including the one above)
• I am educated and have passion for what I do personally and professionally
• We have food on the table, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, cars to drive, toys for play, books to read.

I also have my share of challenges but I chose to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Some of the things I do to center myself when things aren't going well are:

• I look at my daughter and watch her explore her world, I consciously try to soak in her energy and vigor, I concentrate on looking at the world through her eyes.
• I live in the present - embracing the happy moments!
• I find peace and love in being outside in nature so I take walks or sit outside to destress.
• I read a book, listen to music, watch a favorite TV show, look at art, surf the web.
• I go over the above list in my head.
• I take deep breaths.
• Sometimes I CRY and then I let that cleansing prepare me for what is next.
• Sometimes I know things are not going well and I face that fact with acceptance and ask my higher power for help to make it better.

So you see, I don't have a perfect life. Every day in my life is not idyllic. But I do strive to make every day a beautiful day for my daughter as well as for myself.  I make a conscious choice to enjoy each day as it comes, accept it for what it brings me that day, and then try to move forward prepared for my next beautiful day.

Parenting is hard...Being a good human is hard...But it all actually gets easier once you start looking for reasons to smile and be thankful!

Wishing you more beautiful days!

Emily A. Filmore
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

Finding fun in learning

Sage and I have an early morning ritual. She wakes up early...I want to keep sleeping. Usually I can talk her into cuddling a little longer or I will turn on my bedroom TV to let her watch Sesame Street or Dora to give me 30-60 more precious minutes of rest. She usually watches propped up against me in bed which turns into cuddle time anyway.

But this morning, after sleeping in our bed because she had a bad dream about monsters taking over the world (I think brought on by the roaring thunder and wind); she opened her eyes and was READY TO GO!

Remember those games you played when you were young where you had to guess what word or picture someone wrote on your back? Well she decided this was the best way to wake me up! She woke me up by writing her numbers on my arm. Intrigued that she had come up with this herself and thrilled that she woke up wanting to learn I went with it.

She wrote her numbers, drew pictures of our house, our family, her friends, and wrote her letters before she finally got bored with it. She giggled the whole time - I guess because she thought she was tickling me. I really enjoyed this interaction because she was sharing her mind and her learning with me at the same time that we were laughing and having fun together.

Every time we have one of these moments I am reminded of how wonderful it is to be a mom and I am thankful.

Peace!

Emily A. Filmore
blog.withmychildseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/

Making a fool of yourself is fun...especially if it makes your child laugh!

Today didn't start out so well...dealing with issues with medical insurance made for a very stressful morning. After we got home from taking the dog to the vet, our neighbor Amy and her kids asked if we wanted to come over so the kids could play in the sprinkler. Thinking this would be a good time for me to veg-out and brood over my stress - I said we could.

I started out by sitting in my lawn chair, watching (with envy) as the kids tromped through the water looking cool as cucumbers while I sat, sweating; I was wishing I had said no and was sitting in my nicely air-conditioned house. Then I thought I could just put my head under one of the sprinklers and cool off to be a good sport and allow Sage to play a little longer.

Soon both of us mommies (me in my khaki shorts and a t-shirt) were as wet as the kids, that is, soaked from head to toe. Simply running through the sprinklers wasn't enough. We both had to get into filling buckets and dumping them on the kids and each other as well as being dumped on by the kids! We live on a pretty quiet street but, of course, today there were lots of cars driving by as we made fools of ourselves. The kids had a riot throwing water on us and laughing at us. And within about 10 minutes my stress had left my body and I was able to be fully present in the moment; having fun with my daughter and our friends.

Laughter with your child really is good medicine - it helps keeps you from taking yourself and your problems too seriously. Today it was much-needed and greatly enjoyed! So thanks Amy for pulling me out of myself and getting me to have fun!

But...Next time, I think I'll dress better for the occasion.

Wishing you laughter!

Emily A. Filmore, Author
blog.withmychldseries.com
http://www.withmychildseries.com/